Recently, I participated in a seminar by Ken Clark with a focus on resolving conflicts at work. A lot comes down to the language we choose to use.
Ken helped me realize a communication challenge I have. I think what I say is SOOOOO clear everyone should be able to easily grasp my message. Unfortunately, my wife and one of my business partners occasionally give me a blank stare or some version of, “WHAT?” Then I get a bit frustrated. (Maybe I should talk louder?) I am working on clearer communication, now.
2.8 hours a week are spent in conflict resolution and 25% of employees miss work to avoid conflict, while 15% cite conflict as the reason for leaving a job.
Some key phrases you may consider when, as a leader, you are faced with conflict:
- Can you clarify this for me?
- So, I solve for the REAL problem, what’s going on underneath? – The goal here is to find out if there is an unmet need, hurt or fear driving the complaint/concern.
- I would never want you to feel that way because you are my _______.
- I can’t imagine what that is like (no need to draw a personal parallel).
- What can I consider doing to be a part of the solution?
Ken said 60% of employees have zero conflict resolution training!
One concept Ken mentioned that I’m still processing is the Kintsugi Technique where the glue used to fix broken pottery not only adds beauty, but the glue is stronger than the original pottery!
We all have insecurities, and they often come to the surface in conflict. Most conflict can be brought back to a hurt, fear or a need the person has.
Learning good conflict resolution can be the glue that is the strongest part of a relationship!
